SPEAKER_03 0:01

Hey guys, how's it going? I'm coming at you live from my job. I was having technical difficulties with my laptop, so I brought it to work and got uh tech support and got some help. But I wanted to do an intro for the most recent episode of my podcast. First of all, I want to thank you guys all for being so patient and being willing to just hang out and wait for me to get my shit together so I can get back on track. Some of you know that I've been through a lot of transition and change and grief and loss and all kinds of stuff and working through it. I'm doing really well and I appreciate you checking in and uh just being patient and waiting for this thing to happen. So thank you so much. Uh, without further ado, I cannot wait for you guys to watch this episode. It's gonna be another two-part series, and this is with my friend Lynette, who just happened to be my mom's hospice nurse and was absolutely amazing. This woman has such a servant's heart, and her story is one of courage, and one of I want to make a difference in this life, and I want to find what feeds my soul. I'm not gonna tell any more about it. I just love her story, and so thank you guys. Make sure you follow me everywhere you can. Subscribe, just find us and follow us, and thank you guys for your support. I'll see you soon. All right, I am so excited that you're here. This has been something that you and I talked about a few months ago or so, and uh I just I'm so excited. So thank you for joining me. So, Miss Lynette, and please remind me how to say, because see, when I we found out that I bought a car that belonged to you, isn't that weird? Like it was crazy. Yeah, a couple years-ish ago.

SPEAKER_01 2:04

Well, it would have been in 22.

SPEAKER_03 2:08

That long ago?

unknown 2:10

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 2:10

Holy cow. So I thought your last name was Bueller. It it was okay. So I have you in my phone as the car lady as Lynette Bueller, like Ferris Bueller. Okay. So anyway, I uh it's such a small world, and I only dealt with your daughter. I only talked to you via text, right?

SPEAKER_01 2:27

Yeah, and then remember I we met you though in the parking lot at Flying J. That's where we did the switch or root.

SPEAKER_03 2:35

Oh my god, that's right. It you know what? That time of my life was such a chaotic moment because that was welcome. You did the game. I know, right? So I have memory lapses, yeah. But you're absolutely right. That's right. How weird. And then I didn't recognize you when we got reconnected later. And so we'll go into that. But anyway, where everybody's like, what the where are you guys going with this story, right? I know. Hey, this is my show, I'll do what I want. So, welcome to the next chapter with Tiffany, Miss Lynette. So, thank you for joining me, and I'm so excited to finally get to chat with you. And there's so much here that I can't wait for you to talk about. There's so many things in your life that fascinate me as to where you were, which I didn't realize where you came from, and then where you are now. And that being said, I want you to kind of start us off in telling us a little bit about yourself, and then we'll just we'll just roll right into it if you're okay with that.

SPEAKER_01 3:40

That sounds great. Okay, I love it. It's my pleasure to be here. I have never done this. I have a little TikTok where I kind of say little things about my life, but in just a full story, this is my first. So a little bit about me. I am um 40. I always think I'm 38, but I'm not anymore because I think I'm like 48 now.

SPEAKER_03 4:05

I'm 38 too.

SPEAKER_01 4:06

Yeah, something happened. I don't know. And so I'm a hospice nurse, I'm a life coach. More importantly, I'm a mom and a wife. And I just am a lover of life.

SPEAKER_03 4:19

And that's that's beautiful. I love that because you and I connected in one of the most emotional, vulnerable, and raw moments in a person's life, and that's through fortunately for us, you being my mom's hospice nurse. And I want you uh to go back in time and tell us about you know, not only what brought you to being a hospice nurse, but for you to get to that point, you have quite a journey way before that. Oh, yeah. So I want you to go back and tell me more, like where you grew up. Tell me about your childhood, tell me about you.

SPEAKER_01 4:58

Okay, okay, so so good. Oh man, I say if anybody is ever blessed, like I just feel like that's me. Like growing up, I was born into a Mennonite home that my parents are Mennonite on my dad's side, Mennonite from the beginning. I think blue bloods. I say I had all the right last names attached, and uh, but then my mom, I'm gonna call her a proselyte. Have you ever heard that word? No, somebody who joins the faith from the outside.

unknown 5:31

Gotcha.

SPEAKER_01 5:32

So, like a gentile to a Jew type of thing. So my mom, uh yeah, her family, the the Mennonite set up a little mission in Phoenix in the 60s, I think it was, and my mom's family joined, and then my dad came to visit, they fell in love, ended up moving to he moved to Phoenix, which is unusual. Usually a couple will move to wherever the the guy is from. So grew up around my mom's family through that time. My mom, a lot of my mom's family left the church. So, and we would still, we still had a lot to do with them. That my mom's Hispanic, my dad uh Ukrainian. I know that was amazing when my dad told me that. I was like, really? That's where we come from. Okay. So very white and then Hispanic. And you know what? The best of both worlds. The best. I had the best cousins, and like the Hispanic culture, so family-oriented, you know, and I'm so glad I grew up in that environment. Oh, let me tell you a funny story. Yeah, my mom, thank God for her, she would leave us with my uh my cousins, my uncles and aunts. Well, they went to members-only meetings at the church. Well, they would introduce us to all kinds of things. We would watch TV. Man, we loved it. My aunt would sit there with her boyfriends and smoke weed. Woo!

SPEAKER_04 7:07

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 7:09

Um, my other, my cousin, well, this would have been in the 80s, he was what they called a transvestite. Did you ever hear that word?

SPEAKER_03 7:19

Yes, of course. That's what they called them back in the day.

SPEAKER_01 7:23

Yes, yes. He was a gay transvestite.

SPEAKER_03 7:27

He was talking about a world opening up to you.

SPEAKER_01 7:31

Yeah. So that was, but that was what we grew up around, too. You know what I mean? So we weren't like these little Mennonite kids that grow up where both families are just that wasn't us. Okay. So we had some influence. My uncles and my cousins at family deals, they'd be out there drinking because they wouldn't bring it in the house because my my Nana was Mennonite too. Um, and then they would pay us a dollar to go inside and get them a plate of food. Yeah, but I had so I feel like I feel like from that perspective, I had a view of both worlds. And then when I turned 13 in 1990, we moved to Mississippi, and there's a huge Mennonite community along. We we moved to the east side of Mississippi, northeast Mississippi, and so left all that kind of stuff, really delved into the whole Mennonite world. I mean, that was it was a whirlwind then. I had so much fun. I my best friend had two older brothers who were already youth age. So I was, let me say, I was 13. My friend was 13, but she had older brothers. Those guys would take us to youth deals, even though we were too young, and we would have so much fun at the Mennonite youth deals, and it's a good life. You know, it's a good life. Like if you're willing to color inside the lines and that's the kind of person you are, it's a good life. It's family-oriented. For the most part, people are not mean. I'm sure there are some out there. I don't know. I just feel like the universe is always looking out for me. I didn't encounter them. I just had fun, had so much fun, had a great youth life. Uh, when I turned 18, um, I thought I wanted to be a CNA, so my parents let me go to California to live with a cousin for what was it, four months. And I got my CNA license at a little Mennonite nursing home there. Came back to Mississippi, ended up falling in love, never did anything with my CNA license, and yeah, just fell in love, got married, and started to have babies. I was 19 when I got married. My ex was 21. Yeah. And then what I did, I just did little house jobs with my mom, you know, bumped along and had my first baby when I was 22 and my last baby. I think I was 28 when I had my last baby. I had three babies, and then we adopted one. Oh so I have four children all together, three biologicals and one adopted. Okay, and it was a good life. It was a good life in 26. Yeah, my baby was three months old, my littlest. We moved to Ubeldi, Texas, and moved there to do construction. Loved Texas, because what I loved about it was that Mexican culture was so much like what I had grown up with with my mom's family. So just the Mexican food and and yeah, just the culture was lovely. Loved it. Things were rocky there for us in the church. My husband was incredibly my ex-husband now, but he was incredibly successful in the building business. And I don't know if that was some of the animosity, and I think too, the fact that we weren't saying we weren't just dyed in the wool, blue, like we colored outside the lines a little.

SPEAKER_03 11:11

Yeah, you know, and that's been exposed to a lot of different things. But was that community? That was that community in Texas, was it more just kind of like you said, within the lines and very kind of rigid where you had been exposed? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:28

So a lot of yes. When we left Phoenix, we kind of left that outside influence. When we got to Mississippi, it was all Mennonite. We were, that was it. You know what I mean? We just very uh saturated with Mennonite life. Anyway, got so Texas, yeah, it was rough spiritually. I didn't understand some of the things that happened there with we call okay, so the preachers, the deacons, we call it the staff. So when I say the staff, that's who I'm talking about. Okay. So there was some some sort of animosity between us and the staff, and I I don't know why. I don't know why.

SPEAKER_03 12:16

Because you had been you probably had, I bet you, this is my observation, and I don't mean to interrupt you, but my mind is going 100 miles an hour when you're talking. I would think that they could tell and judge somebody that's been influenced a little more worldly. You probably carried energy in a different way that it was visible to the rigid, to the to the, you know, this. I bet you, because that would be plus, you're an outsider, you're coming in. I mean, that's what I instantly thought of was before you even finished, I'm like, I bet they judged her.

SPEAKER_01 12:54

I bet I know. You know, outsider. I think there was something to that, something about that energy part. I love, I love the thought of that.

SPEAKER_03 13:05

I guarantee.

SPEAKER_01 13:06

I remember one time this big famous Mennonite preacher came to Ubeldi to give a talk. And I I knew his daughter, even though she was years older than me. So I just wanted to get to know him and chatted, went and chatted away with him. And so he was sitting by a deacon, and oh man, we just had the best conversation. And I remember this preacher turned to that old deacon. He's like, She could just about preach, couldn't she? And I was like, Oh, it felt like such a compliment, you know. But I felt like he appreciated the way I articulated myself.

SPEAKER_03 13:47

Mm-hmm. Yep. Have you found that that women? I'm gonna plug this in real quick because I forgot to. Have you found that dyed in the wool, straight up, 100% raised rigidly Mennonite women don't have that kind of worldly energy? I think that gives gives us more confidence as well when you have more life experiences, more exposure to reality, more like, wow, that's cool. But then you chose to come back into the fold and go straight up Mennonite. Do you think that that that is something that is very palatable? If they put you in a room up against a die hard, raised straight up, you could tell the difference.

SPEAKER_01 14:34

I believe so. Because you can tell with my mom, you know, my mom had the same energy, like she she didn't grow up Mennonite, and she's just, I mean, people are so drawn to her, just loved loved to be her friend.

SPEAKER_03 14:48

That's beautiful, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:50

So uh it was rough, it really was rough for a few years uh in Uvalde. There were things even between my ex and I that were rough, and you know, I remember one time we were making phenomenal money, like crazy good money in the building business. And I remember my mom, I don't know, I was complaining about life, I think a little. And she's like, Why are you complaining? You have it so good. And I'm like, Mom, there's stuff, there are things in life that when you have money, you realize that there's other issues that it would be easier to deal with the lack of money than to deal with some of the things that we're dealing with.

SPEAKER_03 15:33

Wow. Like, and it was rough.

SPEAKER_01 15:35

Yeah, yeah. You can always go make money, but you know, sometimes when relationships are hard, you know what I mean when I say, but you can't control the other person in a relationship, and that makes it really hard. So yeah, I left Uvaldi in 2013. We moved here in January of 2013, and uh man I'll tell you what, here Idaho here. Here Idaho, okay. Yes, we moved here to Idaho in 2013, and how that happened was um a friend, we had gone to a family reunion together, and one of the cousins sat down across from us, and he had just moved to Ontario. And he's like, I love it. You guys should come check it out, it's great. Oh anyway, so yeah, we moved here in 2020. But uh, so I want to talk a little more about growing up. Like growing up was beautiful, beautiful. Like my parents loved each other, they rarely argued, I think just enough to show us that you could be fussy with each other, you know. My dad, so gentle, so kind. Like he was, he would, he, my dad drove trucks and he would uh come home in the evening, we would have dinner, and he would lay down in the living room on the floor with us and read to us because we didn't have TV, we didn't have radio, you know. Mennonites very uh my dad comes from a very studious family, so we read, he read and read and read to us. And my parents were social, we had company all the time, they loved people, and people loved them. So, as far as uh a childhood, I had a great, I had a beautiful childhood. You know, it was me and my two sisters, I was the oldest, uh, and I wanted to give that to my children, you know, yeah just that very sweet, yeah, loving anyways. No, that's beautiful. Yes, loving.

SPEAKER_03 17:37

Speaking of your children, how old were your kids and they were being raised within the Mennonite church? So they had the little dresses and they had the little what do you what do you call that?

SPEAKER_01 17:51

Head covering.

SPEAKER_03 17:52

The heading that's just the head covering, it's nothing fancy. Nothing fancy. I was waiting for some like it's a super blah blah. You know, I was waiting for something really cool.

SPEAKER_01 18:01

No, no, no, just your head covering. Okay, so and then usually how that works, like I'll give you a little glimpse into Mennonite life.

SPEAKER_03 18:09

So thank you.

SPEAKER_01 18:11

The way the Mennonites believe is that a child is born innocent and is innocent up until the time when God calls them, and that is up to God, man has no control over that. And they say usually how a child will know is they begin to realize that oh, like telling a lie is wrong, and I shouldn't tell a lie, you know, like things like that. And so even though a child will understand that, oh, this is right and this is right or wrong, it's not necessarily that, well, God will call them until they have maybe a fuller understanding. So that's often 12, 13, 14, 15, 15 months. Um I I feel like God called me when I was 12 years old. And how that worked was she's like, what's going on here? Hi, poo-poo. Okay, Ivy. Yes, I love you too. We call it a conversion experience or born again. Okay, so how mine worked was there were some things I knew I had done that were not nice, you know, and they're very vanilla things. I'm sure I can't even tell you what they were. But I was just tormented with this thought that the world was gonna end and I was not gonna be saved. And so I went to my mom and dad's bedroom one night, and I'm like, I just feel like if if Jesus came, I would be lost. And okay, well, do you want us to pray with you? And yes, I do. So I remember that. Me and my mom and dad, we all knelt down there in my mom and dad's bed and they prayed. And oh, I was just so free and happy after that, like the next day, just like that burden had rolled away. I knew that if Jesus came back, I was gonna be saved. I was okay. Um, so then it took about a year after that before I was baptized. So I was baptized when I was 13 years old. And that's when once you're baptized, the girls put on their head covering.

SPEAKER_02 20:29

Oh, that's when it happens. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 20:32

Yes. So if somebody is wearing a head covering, you know that they have been baptized. That's how the Holdeman Mennonites, that's the denomination I was born into. Holdeman Mennonite. And that that's how they do it. We wore the black cap, the girls wear the dresses. Black cap? Black, yes. So you'll see like around Payette, you see some of the Mennonites, but they're wearing the white cap. Yes. We call them white caps. I don't know what they are. Interesting. White cap, but we call them white cap Mennonites. And I think they call themselves white cap Mennonites. I don't know. Anyway, we're Holdeman. We were Holdemans and we wore a black cap.

SPEAKER_03 21:13

Okay, that that makes me go, okay, so if you know what are the differences besides the names and the colors?

SPEAKER_01 21:23

That's a really hard one for me to say, because I don't know if the white caps do the whole born-again experience, or if they do more like a what is it called with the Catholics, where they do like a little booklet.

SPEAKER_03 21:38

I I don't know. Like I just know of christening. I don't know what it's called. No, I am definitely not a Catholic.

SPEAKER_01 21:45

I think with the uh Catechism?

SPEAKER_03 21:48

Catechism? Is that what it is? I don't know. I just remember that.

SPEAKER_01 21:51

Or they do more like a uh Bible study, and then they're yeah, I think I know that some of the white caps believe like that, where they don't have to have this. Born-again experience.

SPEAKER_03 22:02

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 22:02

Yeah. Interesting.

SPEAKER_03 22:04

Okay. Yeah. I did not, I don't know if I've ever seen one with a black. I'm sure I have, but you know, I'm I'm sure you have. You have.

SPEAKER_01 22:12

You just haven't recognized it.

SPEAKER_03 22:13

Okay. Didn't you have to do that?

SPEAKER_01 22:14

Now that I say you'll probably be like, when you see a black cap, you'll be like, oh, that's one that was talking about.

SPEAKER_03 22:20

That's a hold of man. Yay. Yeah. You know, that's that is I was just gonna say real quick. I don't know if you in with you know being raised that way, you guys, of course, everybody mostly knows how to sew and how to make things and all that the treasure valley before, especially around Payette, where all of a sudden I see a Mennonite woman down an aisle with the most beautiful dress on that is obviously handmade, gorgeous dress. And I will go up and I will say, I'm sorry, excuse me, ma'am, did you make that? And like, oh yes, I did. Oh my gosh, that this is gorgeous. I mean, wow. And that I wish that more conservative, old school, disconnected kind of life was more how we are today. I wish so. Because those skills, those things, that type of culture that they have and they've honed and they grew up with, and that's just the way it is. We today, society, it's most of the people don't have an inkling of what it's like to have any type of talent to build, to make things still, to churn butter, to do whatever, to slaughter their own animals, to do whatever they do, you know. Nobody, it's like a lot, not nobody, but a lot of people in today's society, especially the younger generation, couldn't couldn't fight their way out of a wet paper bag, let alone make something, you know? Seriously. So that is that something, is that a skill that you have?

SPEAKER_01 23:56

Yes, definitely. So man, I was so in my own dresses when I was 12 years old. I loved it. I loved the creative part of it. It was so much fun to take patterns and pick fabric and all that stuff, even though it's just the the conservative dresses, but still fun to do, you know.

SPEAKER_03 24:13

Absolutely. I mean, something that is an absolute skill and to to say, I made this, you know. I mean, at that age, that's beautiful. Anyway, I just yeah, it was fun.

SPEAKER_01 24:24

It was fun. I canned, I never turned butter, I gotta be honest. We had electricity, it was interesting because like electricity cars, really the women don't have jobs outside of the home. I mean, that's kind of their job. Let me see.

SPEAKER_03 24:41

I know I was thinking about arranged marriages, things like that. I haven't thought about that and asked. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:47

Okay, so yeah, no, marriages are not arranged. So I'll tell you what what my experience was, okay? Okay. Um, I met my ex-husband at volleyball games because I lived in the congregation just south of where he lived. So we're about 20 miles apart. So the congregations, the youth, very social, very social. They would get together on Friday nights to play volleyball together. That's a big Mennonite sport or baseball, either one, and uh have supper together and and just, you know, socialize.

SPEAKER_02 25:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:21

So that's how I met him. And, you know, it was just kind of a deal where we just talk back and forth, and yeah, there was a mutual respect there, and we enjoyed each other's company. So then when he went to propose for me, this is very standard that or how it used to be. So he went to his preacher and said, Hey, I would like to take a proposal to Lynette. And so then his preacher goes to my preacher, and my preacher goes to comes to my parents and to myself and says, Hey, we have a proposal from this young man, and do you want what do you think? And it's a discussion with the preacher and and my parents and myself, and we knew it was coming, you know. I mean, it's not like a big old secret, like, oh my gosh, I can't believe it. We knew it was coming. So, and me and my mom, we had talked about it and stuff like that. In fact, that's a little funny story because I remember one Sunday night, right before this happened, one Sunday night, I'm outside of church with the rest of the youth, and I see the preacher go to my dad, and I'm like, oh bomber, am I in trouble?

SPEAKER_03 26:30

Yeah, that's it. Yep.

SPEAKER_01 26:34

Am I in trouble? So anyway, and then my dad just turned abruptly and went to the car and didn't say anything. But my mom, all week, my mom's like, hey Lynette, like, you know, hypothetically speaking, if you were to get a proposal, like, wah, she wanted to talk about wedding stuff. I'm like, oh, mom's like, oh, come on, you know. Well, then later in the week, all of a sudden the phone rings and I answered it. It happened to be the preacher, and he's like, Hey, Lynette, we'd like to come over and visit with you and your parents. And I'm like, okay. Well, then I find out later the preacher had gone to my dad because they're cut they're cousins, and was like, hey, Bill, we have a proposal. We'd love to come to sit down and chat. Would it work for us just to come over now after church? And my dad's like, no, I gotta go home and go to bed because I got to get up in the morning and go to work. So that's why my dad just turned around and beat up for the vehicle. He didn't want to hear nothing about this.

SPEAKER_03 27:26

I'm not ready.

SPEAKER_01 27:27

Yeah. I'm not ready. I'm not ready. So, anyway, I was his oldest, first one to get married. But generally that's how it works. Okay, and then we play, we uh wow, the weddings are usually two to three months out from the time you get the proposal. And our wedding was over 500 people. Yeah, it was big. And you provide well, the the groom's family provides uh supper for the Saturday night before the wedding, and then the the bride's family provides the mill, the the wedding mill. And yeah. Wow. Yeah, it was so it's a party.

SPEAKER_03 28:12

And does that mean does that mean that it's it's that big because of the Mennonite traditions, or you guys knew everybody?

SPEAKER_01 28:22

We did not know everybody. In fact, I remember so they held a separate youth deal for all the youth to go have dinner at another place. And so after we were done with the family dinner, we we went over there and we walk in. There's 250 youth kids there. And he's like, You know these people? I'm like, No, do you? So, how like I said again, it's social. So the kids are all like, Hey, I'm going to this wedding this weekend, you know, you want to ride along? That kind of thing.

SPEAKER_03 28:51

Like, who's getting married? Hell if I know. Let's go to the party. Let's go apart. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 28:57

Von ball free food.

SPEAKER_01 28:58

Free food. You will stay with somebody at the men at the wedding, you know. It'll be a great. I did plenty of that in my youth and loved it.

SPEAKER_03 29:06

Met so many great friends that way. I had no idea that they were so social.

SPEAKER_01 29:12

I very social.

SPEAKER_03 29:14

Very. That's really cool.

SPEAKER_01 29:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 29:16

Wow. A big party. Okay, so that being said, what it's not the traditional wedding dress and all that.

SPEAKER_01 29:23

No, no. So I had a lovely pale, pale pink wedding dress. It had just kind of little old-fashioned, had a little collar, pointed collar, and then these little tiny buttons that were real close together. They were covered buttons, same fabric. Yeah, it was just, and uh yeah, just a regular Mennonite dress. Only I know back in the day we didn't wear white. We had to wear a little off color, but I've heard now, like maybe they're there, it's leaning more towards the whitish or maybe more creamish colors. And I don't know why, but yeah, it's just kind of a little rule. What what do the men wear? They wear a suit, just a suit.

SPEAKER_03 30:07

Oh, just a just a suit.

SPEAKER_01 30:08

Not a tux, no, just a suit. And then how that works, then too, like, so we got we have a little choir that will sing a set of songs, and it's the singing is beautiful. Like, I miss the singing. It's a cappello, we don't have instruments, and yeah, and then a little uh sermon and some the wedding vows and a little more singing, and everybody goes down for the milk.

SPEAKER_03 30:37

Wow, yeah, but how how fun though, because what happens nowadays, it's all like overblown, over budget, over expensive, overkill, competition, you know, fighting. Uh, I don't want this person there, I don't want this person there. It sounds so beautiful yet simple, and it's just a like a fun. Everybody participates, whether you know each other or not, it's a big part of it. Celebrate the union and have fun. I could see how that would go.

SPEAKER_01 31:07

So much fun.

SPEAKER_03 31:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:09

And that's how kids meet each other and form relationships and more weddings happen, you know.

SPEAKER_03 31:17

Okay, that that being said, relationships, what is the view on premarital sex? I have to ask.

SPEAKER_01 31:24

Absolutely no go, zero.

SPEAKER_03 31:26

Double goose sayings, right?

SPEAKER_01 31:28

No, double.

SPEAKER_03 31:29

I could have guessed, I could have guessed that. I just wanted to know. Yeah, yeah. No, that's you're right. You're right. Okay, the expectations of a young woman within the Mennonite community. So you mentioned how when it is their, what did you call it? Not calling, what did you call it when they're like, okay, it's time for she had this realization, she uh realized this is optimal behavior, or you like you started asking questions about my fear of not getting to heaven. This is time for you to become baptized. So the difference between pre-baptismal Lynette and post-baptized Lynette is the expectations. Are they different? What changed for you from that moment on when you were baptized?

SPEAKER_01 32:21

Expectations, that's interesting. I wonder if I would say okay, so then once you're baptized, you're starting I started to wear the head covering. So the expectation is to act in a way that uh respects the church. The dress shows submission to God and the church. I think that's a good way to put it.

SPEAKER_03 32:48

Okay, okay. Yeah, that makes sense. Because that is a heavy thing to step into. There's responsibility that goes along with that, that you didn't have before because you were a young, a young girl, and then all of a sudden you get baptized and it's a whole different responsibility.

SPEAKER_01 33:06

Right.

SPEAKER_03 33:06

But also uh I can see how that may feel to step into a different role of well, now that that's open, then it's my responsibility not only to behave a certain way, respect the church, the the head covering, represent. But then now I need to start educating myself a little more because I have taken on the responsibility. I'm baptized, that puts me into a position where I need to seek a little bit more and and or maybe your parents.

SPEAKER_01 33:38

So we always had Bible study growing up. Then we we we always had Sunday school devotions, we called it family devotions. We would always have family devotions where my dad would read to us in the evening from the Bible, and then we would have a family prayer together before we all went to bed. I love that. And then, you know, suddenly you okay, which I wore a dress my whole life until I wore the head covering, anyways, but like once you wear the head covering, oh, I mean you're easily identified, you know. People know where you belong more than likely, and if you're doing things you should or shouldn't be doing.

SPEAKER_03 34:17

So yeah, you're not gonna see a Mennonite, you know, smoking a cigarette on the corner with a with a bunch of hoodlum teenagers, you know.

SPEAKER_00 34:26

No, exactly. And and if you do, come tell me because I want to know.

SPEAKER_03 34:30

Yeah, we'll be sitting there going, did you see that? You did look at that.

SPEAKER_00 34:35

I got I got it on video, check it out.

SPEAKER_03 34:38

Yeah, that would be really weird.

SPEAKER_01 34:41

So yeah, just yeah, honoring the head covering. They believe like that, it represents the power. This is what we were always told. The power of the angels over us, and that that was a certain protection. You know.

SPEAKER_03 35:01

Yeah, that's that's heavy in a way that again that that word responsibility keeps popping into my head because of what you stepped into. It's like, okay, now you are expected to live a certain way, think a certain way, read certain things, absorb certain things, speak a certain way. All these things are an expectation that is brought upon you not only by the staff, elders, whatever, and your parents, but also if you're serious about it, it's all brought upon by you yourself at the same time. Like I take this very seriously, I'm going to represent in the right way because it's my responsibility. I could see how that would be very heavy, but yet when you're proud of that, it's not heavy burden-wise, it's just heavy as in I take this seriously and I pack it all the time. It's it's how I roll. You're you definitely are a minority in certain areas because they're mostly, aren't they mostly into farming and and construction?

SPEAKER_01 36:06

Most it's getting diverse now, but yes, it used to mostly be that.

SPEAKER_03 36:11

Okay. And that was your background when you were talking about you and your husband in the first stages of your life, was he was a builder. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 36:20

And then we moved here to farm.

SPEAKER_03 36:22

Okay, that's what I was thinking that you went into farming. Okay. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 36:28

Because, well, growing up, him growing up in Mississippi, it's dry land farming. So they would put their crops in the spring and take them out in the fall. And then in the summer and the winter, his dad, my father-in-law, had been a builder in California. So then they would usually get a little building project going for the summer and the winter there in Mississippi. So they were busy, just always doing something.

SPEAKER_03 36:54

So tell me, let's fast forward. We talked a little bit about your your kids being raised in that. You're still living in Idaho, you guys are farming. And when did you realize it's I'm done with this? I mean, tell me a little bit about all of that in progression.

SPEAKER_01 37:13

Okay, so we moved, let me see, we moved in 2013 and bumped along farming. Um it was terrible. I mean, it was a learning curve, this farming, you know. And it just felt like every year we just dug ourselves deeper into a financial hole. And I think it was 2017, an onion shed. We contracted our onions with them. They took all the onions, paid us our first check, and then filed bankruptcy. So we lost hundreds of thousands on that.

SPEAKER_03 37:47

My gosh.

SPEAKER_01 37:48

Yes, and then there was another situation with another crop. We had contracted in the spring, we had contracted our grain with a company, and they ended up filing bankruptcy. So we lost that contract. And so all of a sudden, when we lose that contract and come back and, like, okay, we got to recontract grain, grain had taken a nosedive from what we had contracted it at. So we lost so much money that year. So much money, so much so that the bank's like, okay, you're gonna have to put your place on the market. Girl, that was so hard. I mean, the day the realtor had come to take pictures of the house, I just like tried to stay out of her way while she took pictures, and I had house so clean and ready for her. But man, I was like crying in my sleeve. I didn't want to cry in front of her, you know. But just like it was so hard to know that this was happening. Anyway, interestingly enough, though, I had this little inner voice as and it just told me, this house is not gonna sell. You're gonna stay here. And I'm like, okay, I don't know how.

SPEAKER_04 38:58

Right, I know.

SPEAKER_01 39:00

Yeah, yeah, it's gonna be a miracle. Anyways, so put our house on the market, and then I'm like, I need by that time, okay. So my kids, they helped their dad on the farm mostly. The girls, they went and worked at a little greenhouse too. My youngest was still in school, but my three older ones, they were doing their thing, and I found myself with so much time on my hands that I was bored. Like, I mean, yeah, I mean, I sewed our clothes and did our laundry and you know, made three meals a day and took care of my little garden. But it was like I needed more. I needed more. We were facing this financial crisis, so I got the girls and I some little volunteer gigs. We went and volunteered for Heart and Home Hospice. We would go there every Tuesday and put together bouquets for the hospice patients, and then we would also go once a month to the Ronald McDonald house in downtown Boise and we would make treats for uh the people staying there. And I loved it, I loved it. And I loved the whole volunteer thing over at Heart and Home. And I was like, man, I would love to be a hospice nurse. Anyway, so I go to my ex and I'm like, hey, like, I need more purpose. Like, what do you think if I would try to go to school to be an RN? He's like, I don't care, like, just go push on doors, see what happens. Like, okay, so I did. I mean, hilarious. The other day I came across my card, my student ID card that I got. Went and sat down with a student advisor, and I remember her saying, This was in 2018. She's like, Okay, this is your the plan for you to get your RN license, and it's gonna be four years. And I'm like, Oh my gosh, four years. Except I'm sure I didn't say gosh in my little men and I brain. I probably said, oh my goodness. Geez. Oh dear, this is gonna be a long, I mean, four years. Okay, you know, well, they're gonna pass whether I do this or not. So yeah, let's what does this take to get me started? And our financials were so bad from the farm that like I got 100% government funding for my schooling. So started to go to school, and gosh, I loved it. Oh my goodness, Tiffany, like just learning, it was so much fun. And you know, I was I was often the oldest one in all the classes.

SPEAKER_00 41:29

And a little man and I, lady to boo.

SPEAKER_03 41:31

Yes, and an overachiever, I'm sure, right? Yes, oh yes, oh yes. You had a you had a point to prove, right?

SPEAKER_01 41:37

Yes, I really did. Yeah, and I had so much fun. I loved it. I loved it. I had one professor, he's like, I had him in three different math classes because man, I had to start. Thank God, when I had turned 16, I had gone and gotten my GED. Because then I just had to take a placement test to get uh to get signed up for courses. But I started like, I mean, I went to eighth grade. I left school when I was 13 years old. I hadn't added fractions since the day I left, you know?

unknown 42:09

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 42:10

So yes, I have to get back into the whole swinging. So like I started a felt like ground zero. I think there was one math class below the one I had to start at. But it was just like figuring it out again. So one one of the math teachers, I think I'd had him there at the little Treasure Valley Community College in Ontario, three different classes, and he's like, Lynette, you just make every class you're in smarter. He's like, honestly, he said the whole class scores better when you're in it, just because you are not afraid to ask questions. And I'm like, oh my gosh, thank you. I mean, I felt very honored to have him tell me that. Anyway, so all in that, I had to take electives, and I chose um religious electives. I don't know, like what was I thinking? Was this like my heart crying out for something, or was it like me trying to play it safe and be like, I know I'm kind of bending, I'm kind of bending the rules by going to college, so I'm gonna be play it safe, I'm gonna take religious courses. And why I say bending the rules is because, well, I've found this out the hard way, but so I guess you're supposed to go to the staff when you want to seek higher education, they will discuss it amongst themselves and decide if you have the approval to go or not. I didn't do that. Well, golly gee. I know.

SPEAKER_03 43:36

You know, you may you may not have been approved, you know.

SPEAKER_01 43:39

You're very you're very right. I don't think I would have been. I don't think that I would have been. So I had just kind of slid under the radar and did my own thing. And probably the reason I did that is because we had go we were going to Ontario Congregation, which was a new congregation. So it didn't have, it wasn't an old. Established congregation. This is still a new baby congregation. Maybe I didn't feel a heavy sense of responsibility to the band who's our preacher or something. I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 44:10

Right, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 44:11

Anyway, I learned a word. I learned a word at college. I had never heard this word before. This little word, it was autonomy. And I'm like, what's that?

unknown 44:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 44:25

What's autonomy? And they're like, what? That's you have control over your own life. And I'm like, I do. What? Yeah. You have control over the decisions you you make for your life. And I'm like, I never knew that.

unknown 44:47

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 44:48

I never knew that I could make decisions for myself. I can make choices for my life on a on like a life-changing scale. That I can decide who I wanted to be. Then I and then I started taking those little religious courses. I took American religion. I took primal religions. That one was super interesting. I took uh world religions, which talks about like Buddhism, Christianity, Judaism, Islam, all the different religions were in this book, and it was great. I loved that one too. Um, in taking these courses, though, I began, like my mind just started opening up to different ideas. And I remember in one book, it said, I believe this was in the world religions book, God's light shines through each of us like sunlight through a stained glass window. And each piece is cut and colored differently. And I'm like, Yeah, yes, then why are they trying to force me to be the same? Why are they trying to force us all to be the same? If we're in actuality, we're different.

unknown 46:12

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 46:13

And we had no, like, yes, I mean you can pick your own fabric and whatnot, but there's not a lot of ways for Mennonite women to express individuality. You know?

SPEAKER_02 46:25

You're not supposed to.

SPEAKER_01 46:27

No, and then there was oh oh, it was in the primal religions. Oh my goodness, girl, that stuff was crazy. It was uh creation stories from other groups, like indigenous people around the world and what they believed about creation, and some of them were wild, and I was like, this is crazy stuff. I mean, how could you believe this? And then I'm like, okay, wait, let me think about my own creation story. I mean, there's this God, there's this devil, the world's created in six days, and I know it's all like, I don't know how literal we should take the Bible, but I started to see like the Bible from a different perspective. Like, what if I just placed it alongside these other stories, you know? And how would it compare? Somebody else would be like, he created men and women out of what? The dust, the dart, he blew in that what? Like, yeah, my goodness, you know. Anyway, so just starting to step back and take an objective view of everything I had been taught. And you're not allowed to do that.

SPEAKER_03 47:41

I can't imagine. That's why you need to take your ideas of going to college to somebody that's above you, because that's going to cause you to start thinking and questioning. Yes. I totally see why they want you to do that. Because you never, you never would have made it to the where you were never.

SPEAKER_01 48:01

Never. In fact, let me tell you a little story of something that happens. So with we're going through this financial difficulty. And so, you know how when you're going through something hard, people are like, Oh, just have faith it's gonna work out, just have faith. And you're like, I'm like, okay, okay, what is faith? Tell me. So we're in turmoil, and so I tell my ex-husband, I'm like, you know, why don't you? I really would like to talk to the preacher about this. Like, I'm just having a faith crisis. Like, yeah, we're just supposed to have faith, but this is hard. This is financial. Our farm, we could lose our farm. I don't know where I might be living in six months. And people are just like, just have faith, you know?

SPEAKER_03 48:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 48:41

So he he set it up. We went to the preacher's house, sat down with them. And so the preacher's like, You have some questions, Lynnette. I'm like, Yeah, I just want to know what is faith. It was honestly, Tiffany. My whole premise for this discussion was what is faith when I am faced with the fact that I might not know where I'm living in six months. Right.

unknown 49:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 49:05

With this financial disaster, what is faith? I that's where I need. However, they didn't take it that way. And so I get all this, it goes around the little grapevine. So this preacher, he calls my preacher in West Point, the one who brought me my proposal, my dad's cousin, talks to him. Oh, Lynette's questioning her faith. We're gonna have to we're gonna have to ask her to quit school. Yeah, she's questioning her faith. It had nothing to do with that.

SPEAKER_03 49:38

Interesting.

SPEAKER_01 49:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 49:40

Wow. So that's how you know how closed off their thought processes are because it's all about the religious side of things and not just the life and questioning the real life crisis that you guys were going through. How sad.

SPEAKER_01 50:01

Very sad. Very so I I could still I see myself sitting at that kitchen table, had my school books put out in front of me, and my aunt messages me and she's like, Oh, you know what? I just heard that they're gonna ask you to quit school because you're questioning your faith. And I remember I was sitting there, I'm like, the hell they are because I know a little word. It's called autonomy, and knowing nobody tell me shit now. I will tell myself what I am doing.

SPEAKER_02 50:30

Good for you.

SPEAKER_01 50:32

Yeah. So yeah, that was rough. That was rough. And the other thing, the another thing that happened is we would often have people, we would socialize with our friends on the weekends. My ex-husband, he's like, hey, like, I would like you not to discuss what you're learning at school when we're with our friends. Like it just makes everybody uncomfortable. Like, Jeffany, that was my whole life. Well, that's my whole life. I know.

SPEAKER_03 51:04

Bam! And how did you not talk about it?

SPEAKER_01 51:06

Yes, I was learning so many things. I was studying amazing concepts and just, you know, and then it's like, don't talk about it.

SPEAKER_03 51:16

Wow. So everywhere you looked, somebody's pushing you down, pushing you down. Just be quiet. Don't do this, don't do that, don't do this, don't do that.

SPEAKER_00 51:24

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 51:24

There's no autonomy in that.

SPEAKER_00 51:27

None, none, none. It's like whackable, you know. It's like every time I tried to pop up, they're boom, boom, nope. You're not gonna say that, and you're not gonna do that.

SPEAKER_03 51:35

You're not gonna have an original thought, you're not gonna ask questions. See, that's that's sad. Don't question what the bishop says, the preacher says, the blah, blah, blah. I don't agree with that at all. So good for you. Good for you.

SPEAKER_01 51:47

Yeah, so it was rough, and I started to feel myself separating from my community. Yeah, and it made me so sad. It made me sad inside because I wasn't fitting into their box anymore.